I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
