So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
