My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
