You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
