Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
