I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
