He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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