i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
