i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
