hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
