she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
