he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
