I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
