i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
