Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Randomize
