i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
