Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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