Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
