We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
