I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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