she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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