you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
