Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
