I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
