The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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