i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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