I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
