I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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