Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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