Swine flu is the new snow day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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