is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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