I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
