what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
