i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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