i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
