Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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