I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
