I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is Oprah even human
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
