i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
