Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.

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(850): View more from Florida

I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish

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(979): View more from Texas

There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?

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(256): View more from Alabama

Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you

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