i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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