his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
