Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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