The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
