he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
