I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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