I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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