i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
