Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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