Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
