I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
