ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
where are you?
Hypothermia
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize