it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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