so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
