I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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