If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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