so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she told me i tasted like america
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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