I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
