I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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