I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
