there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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