WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Congratulations! We have a period
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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