when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
