Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
