Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
