The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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