I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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