I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
