So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
