one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize